There's a party going on right now, its the kind of party you go to where everyone there wants to talk about the same things you do 😊 I feel it in my mind, my body, my soul. We create the possible and impossible. we are controlled by what we are told... Colour assosiation happens before we even begin to talk and we are told, programmed into a broken system with very little room to breath. A system created by the rich few to set standards for a world that dosent need that shit they tell us we need.
And oh the temptation... I have found myself in all sorts of places and situations, but the most recent was in a board room of a global company who cleared 1.5 billion in 2015. Me! a starving artist... handed a golden ticket to a fast track in the art world... fame fortune... champagne darlings...
A sudden loud noise snapped me back into reality. as i tuned into the words of the CEO... it was 90% mumbo jumbo, blah blah blah... i didnt care! My life had been tough and here was my reward. I heard him ask something about, could we do... blah blah blah... My response, "of course we can! i'm an artist, I can do anything"
Those words i said... bounced off the ceilings and walls and repeated over and over again in my mind... I am an artist, I can do anything... if those words are true, which i believe they are... why do i need this job?
That job would make me normal... would make me fit into to somewhere i had been running from all my life. I got that offer because i was an attractive artist freely sitting on the beach, sharing my work with nature because none of you fuckers turned up 😂 If you are reading this and was at that exhibition... then you will truly understand how valuble your presents was too me. ❤️
The reality, in that moment came crashing in at the same time i was handed a chq that was enough to get me nauseous and high on msg for a month because the only thing the chq would cover was pot noodles... hmmm didnt this guy spend a long time telling me how much money they make? And what was the expectation... "maybe one day you can work here with us..."
HUH?... clip my wings now and put me in a cage... WHAT?
That cage is exactly what lead me to where i am now and ill be dammed if i take any steps backward. What on earth does this totally clueless man think...? im aspiring to sit in an office? Thats when i saw through to the truth. Thats when lady Gaga video came out about not being allowed to grow her creativity because of all tge bullshit soul draining work stuff that comes with it all. Lady Gaga... you saved me from a fate worse than dead! It won't be famous artists coming who will take power and courage from your words. I always think that if you speak out it doesnt help everyone, not everyone is listening or in tune with your thinking, but if it helps just one person, you have changed that one person for the better and that kind of power gets shared and helps others... it grows naturally without advertising, marketing and fancy fund raising events. Because its right... its true. And while we make a lot of mistakes, in the end only the right way will give us light and inner peace.
A gut wrenching fear took over me. Sink or swim... fight or flight.... I gave in to fight... dam it, i always do this to myself. People say I'm strong... i think im just incredibly stubborn ! If i have ever had a royal kick up the ass, that was it. I dont like sharing this experience much. She says putting on to a public blog for the world to see 😂 But with over a year after this happened, i find i have reflected... disarmed emotion and can see how what i did was brave. I dont like telling this story because the common response (95%) is "sorry for your luck!" Um... wake up world... i did get lucky. Because over a year later i am still free... still evolving... still figuring out how the puzzle of life goes together. Still very much hands on invovled in the adventure of my life.
While we seek a meaning to life are we letting our own lives go unnoticed. Thrown onto a path of greed, wealth and money. Expected to comply or loose any status in the world. And what a load of crap status is... Stop, think about it. Everyone is going to join you in your fancy penthouse but the people who count are the ones who happily ride the bus with you like its a shoffer driven car. Its hard to know and see that side of people until you are forced into that situation.
I am so grateful that somewhere along the line i learned that i didn't loose anything, i didnt miss out on anything. living in a situation where you are days away from from being homeless is both terrifying and exhilerating at the same time. But i lived through that and survived and came out of it with more life expirience than any job paying big bucks would give me. Isn't that what art is about. Seeing, creating, vision... observation, interaction.
Not marketing, mass producing, advertising, self promotion, endless freebies and give aways... these things aren't art. but the world is in a state and so society is placing this demand on artists. It is my beliefe that artist have many more choices, but are pulled into a system in order to survive. I felt like jumping into the art industry meant selling part of my soul. Someone told me, yes but thats what you do!?
HUH... clip my wings and put me in a cage! What?
I am an artist, i dont HAVE to do anything! 😂 AND at the top of that list... i will not do what everyone else does, because i dont agree with it! so there 😜
A friend turned bad and told me they were only friends with me because they felt sorry for me. i took a look at their life and mine and felt very confused... why on earth did they feel sorry for me?
I chose my path and im freely walking down it with the sun on my back, the wind in my hair and at any moment i can chose to go for a swim in the ocean. It does really get much richer for me than that 😘
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